i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
