i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I will pee on everything he values.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
