i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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