I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
