"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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