im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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