Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do vagina's smell?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
