i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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