we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
