Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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