Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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