did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yo dont text me then not text me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
