Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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