i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize