its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
