my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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