Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wish my penis had a tongue
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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