I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Quick, to the slutcave!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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