i was born a porn star she said
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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