i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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