Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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