Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
