come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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