and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
