I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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