im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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