1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
