sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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