suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize