Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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