she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
