i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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