I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I enjoy the company of your penis
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
