he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
