on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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