just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize