I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
