He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize