Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
