Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
