I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
