Moan for me like Helen Keller
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
