I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Found your dick twin last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
