he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize