I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
