I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
