And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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