she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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