last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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