yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
