someone threw a dead crab at me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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