...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
