Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
