i don't like sucking hair
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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