Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
