Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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