i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize