Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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