I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
