I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My vagina is very pro this idea
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
