shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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