he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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