the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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