Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
