lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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