i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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