They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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