I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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