you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
