Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
