her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
