My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize