dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
