My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
