he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she told me i tasted like america
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
