1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
