so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
