shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
