I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
