how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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