That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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