i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
