So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
