I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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