i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
