eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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