Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
