Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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