if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize