I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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