I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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