I think I died a long time ago.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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