i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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