I'm eating all of the evidence.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
