hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
