dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
