i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
