Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize