I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
