Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
