the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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