8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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