I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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