girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
