The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
