um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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